I’m going to see Doctor tomorrow, to see what I can do about my emotional state.
Because it’s been bad lately.
The highs and lows have been returning. In spades. (Bipolar, remember?)
I don’t like it. Not one bit.
And the biggest blow happened today.
Because it slapped me in the face – rather harshly – that it really doesn’t make a whit of difference whether or not my personality and inner nature would shine in a gentleman’s eyes.
When you really get down to it, all that matters to men is what I look like on the outside.
At least, all that would matter to this particular gentleman is what I look like on the outside.
Funny, that…. Guess I wouldn’t have expected him to be so….shallow….
As my aunt Mary quickly messaged me, there are plenty of people who love me for me – namely my family. And I understand that, and I appreciate that, and I love them all very much.
But I was right.
It doesn’t matter who I am on the inside.
He would never care about me. He probably wouldn’t even look twice at me.
Because I’m not ideal enough on the outside for him.
In that regard, I will never ever be good enough for him.
And I know it.
That kinda killed me.
It’s a pipe dream after all. Wishful thinking after all.
Been crying ever since.
I know I shouldn’t let it bother me so much….but it does.
Because….I’m still in love with him.
Perhaps in future, I will attempt to sing this song myself.
But certainly not now.
I mean, I tried. I just couldn’t get through it without sobbing.
So I’m just posting it for now.
This is a song from the soundtrack to the 2005 film “Elektra.”
It’s Evanescence with “Breathe No More.”
In case the embedded MP3 doesn’t work, here’s a audio video version.
Oh, just so you are aware, I have plans for at least three video blog posts to occur in the future. So, I guess, be on the lookout for those.
I’d say everything else is just peachy, but, no, it really isn’t.
Got a splitting headache now.
Gosh, I hate that. When I cry so much, I get a massive headache.
And I’m sorry about that, for crying so much.
Time to take some Tylenol (ONLY TWO!!!! – never fear!) and head to bed.
I’ll try to do better next post.