I forget where I found this, but thought it too good and witty to pass up. I’ll give it a try, and try to be silly with it.
If we say we are here to help others, what are the others here for?
~ Um….to receive the help? Or to help as well?
How can you be “all ears” to something when you only have two? You should be “both ears”!
~ tee hee. Funny! That’s true! I have nothing to add.
How can you “lend” someone a helping hand when you can’t take it out?
~ Unless you’re Captain Hook, or someone with a prosthetic. Sorry, but it’s true.
Does one of your socks have a hole in it?
~ Some of them do, yes. If you think about it, everyone has holes in their socks – how else do they get them on their feet?
Why do people ask “Going up?” even when they see you are standing at level 0 waiting for the elevator?
~ Because hell is beneath us all. Maybe they think you have a ticket to hell or something?
If a bus stops at a bus station, does your work stop at a workstation?
~ I know mine does!
If it is illegal to drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots?
~ So people can park there, get slobbering drunk, call for a cab, go home, sleep it off, and return when they’re sober to pick their car up. Isn’t that how it works?
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, how do monkeys and apes still exist?
~ They do! They’re called Donald Trump.
What treatment would you seek if you were addicted to therapy?
~ Hmm. Good question. I honestly don’t know.
If the universe it everything, and scientists say the universe is expanding, what do you think it is expanding into?
~ Vastness. The universe is everything because it is vast. It can only go outward and upward. Dunno, really. That’s something to think about.
Why are boxing rings square-shaped?
~ I’ve often wondered that myself…. Well, if the ring were circular, how else would the announcer be able to famously say “In this corner….”?
What’s wrong in saying there’s nothing wrong with going wrong once in a while but it’s very wrong to go wrong always? And how many times did I say ‘wrong’?
~ I understand the question. What’s the problem with saying it’s okay to mess up once in a while but it’s not okay to mess up all the time? Luck of the draw with some, I guess. And you said ‘wrong’ about six times there.
What to do if an endangered animal eats endangered plants?
~ That’s the cycle of life, I guess.
If you were a geometric shape, what would you like to be?
~ A circle.
If you were of the opposite sex, who would you be like?
~ My Youngest Brother. He’s just like me, only male.
If ‘pro’ is the opposite of ‘con,’ is ‘progress’ the opposite of ‘congress’?
~ And that is exactly what is wrong with our country today. (Only the other way around – Congress is the opposite of progress.)
Don’t you think the term ‘free gift’ is a redundant use of words?
~ Never really thought about it. It is pretty redundant, isn’t it?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
~ I’d say morality comes from morals, but the way the politicians go, you could make a case for morons.
Would you believe in a liar who admits he is one?
~ Ah, but how do you know he isn’t lying about that as well?
If you are to take a picture of cheese, what do you think it would say?
~ I dunno. “Flash”?
Have you been to jail?
Someone accidentally steps on your foot, then asks “Did that hurt”? Why?
~ Well, with me, sometimes it just startles me more than it hurts. I don’t know why they would ask that.
Do you twist your tongue while saying a tongue twister?
~ Not literally, no. But it does screw with it. (tee hee.)
Don’t you think the eyes must be jealous of the nose for not letting them see each other?
~ They can see each other just fine in the mirror.
What’s the need to ask “What are you doing here?” upon meeting at a movie theater?
~ Someone could be a worker at the concession stand instead of seeing a movie. Ever think about that?
If Iceland has ice, does Finland have fins?
~ Is Greenland green? Finland probably has fish in its waters so, sure, it has fins.
What’s the point in asking a waiter “Is that dish good?” What waiter would say it isn’t!
~ Sometimes you get honest waiters.
Aren’t the ears already outside? So why say “Keep an ear out”?
~ Hmm. Technically, I think the bulk of the ear is inside. These are only, um, fleshy protrusions that you see. All the actual hearing stuff is inside.
Why do people ask “Were you sleeping” upon waking you from sleep?
~ Well, some older folks will claim that they were just resting their eyes. Sometimes when I’m lying down, I’m not sleeping yet. I could be reading or just thinking.
How would you know if the dictionary has a wrongly spelled word?
~ I’d know. Grammar and spelling Nazi here.
Why do people preface something with “You know”? How would you know before they finish speaking?
~ Could be they are verbally phrasing something you are already thinking.
What if a wrong number is busy? You’d never know it’s wrong!
~ Actually, if the line is typically free and I get a busy signal, that’s when I clue in that perhaps I dialed a wrong number. Always double-check. I know, I’m stupid. You know what else really bothers me? People who don’t have their phone numbers memorized – and their excuse is “Well, I never call myself!” Ugh!
What would you call the fear of fears?
~ Pantophobia. Think Charlie Brown, folks! Pantophobia is the fear of everything, ergo, the fear of fears. To a degree.
What’s the point in saying “What are you saying?” when you know what’s being said?!?
~ Some people just require a little more clarity, I guess.