“How?”; and some other stuff

So. I’m doing this online dating thing.

One of the men I’ve been conversing with asked me today if I currently had a boyfriend.

Well, duh. No. What would I be doing on a dating site if I currently had a boyfriend? You know? (That’s my cynicism talking, sorry.)

I answered back that I didn’t. And, in fact, I have never ever had a boyfriend before.

He answered back with one word: “How?”

As in “How can that be?” (I’m guessing that’s what he meant.)

Not like it’s rocket science. (once again, cynicism.)

First and foremost, I have my picture up on my ‘About’ page. I do not consider myself attractive. Let’s face it – I will never be skinny and I will never be pretty.

Second, I’m not exactly a social being. My upbringing was such that I missed out on a lot of things like having a boyfriend at all – we as a family moved around a lot, and I went to three different high schools in four years. I’m not putting blame on anybody for that, and it’s not like I didn’t have opportunities. As a teenager, I was quite against the idea of having a boyfriend at all, simply because I just didn’t want one. But I did have crushes on several guys throughout junior high and high school. A boy named Larry Estes was the proverbial ‘one that got away,’ the one I really wanted some kind of lasting relationship with. Alas, it will never be. (More on Larry Estes later, maybe.)

Third, I still don’t consider myself attractive. Though this guy I’ve been chatting with made it a point to tell me he likes my smile. *shrug* Which I guess is okay. And somewhat flattering.

I have had one almost-relationship in my life. His name was Steve, and I met him at the bus terminal. He came up to me out of the blue one day and told me I was beautiful. I didn’t think much of it, but he seemed a nice enough guy. I was fully prepared to start off as being just friends with Steve and seeing where it went from there. But when he left me a message one night not long after we met telling me he was falling for me, something within me just froze. That was waaaay too fast, and I didn’t have the same relationship with Steve after that. In fact, harsh as this may sound, I wanted nothing to do with him after that.

Am I still afraid? Sure.

But I’m ready for a relationship now.

Hopefully, it’s not too late to start one.

********

Did I tell you I’ve decided to finally get my driver’s license?

Yeah.

It’s time.

So next weekend, I’m going to take the written test to get my permit (because I don’t even have a permit!), and then I will be signing up for a driver’s ed class, and then….and then….well, we’ll have to see.

Everyone thinks it’s a good idea. Well, like I said, it’s just time to do it. I used to have a phobia when it came to driving, but I think I’m over that now. Besides, I’m craving the independence it would give me.

But it’s not like I would totally forsake the bus. I’d probably still take the bus to and from work. I’m just used to that routine and, given the streets I’d have to drive on to get to work, I’d rather let someone else worry about the driving, thankyouverymuch. tee hee.

********

Found out “Memory” from “Cats” makes my mother cry.

Wish I knew why.

Last night on IPTV (which is our PBS, public television station), there was a showing of “Cats,” which had been put on video back in 1998, with Elaine Paige as Grizabella. We came in around the end of Act I (the mainly instrumental “Jellicle Ball”) and watched the rest of the performance. And during the end of “Memory,” when Grizabella is singing “Touch me/It’s so easy to leave me….,” I happened to glance back at my mother.

And she was crying.

We kids grew up with Betty Buckley singing Grizabella, but I’d never known that to make my mother cry. At least, I never saw it.

It sort of upset me, but I didn’t want to let on that I’d seen her crying. So.

Oh well, I guess.

Did you know my mother used to be a lyric soprano? Throughout her youth and high school and college, she was a lyric soprano. She’d be considered a mezzo-soprano nowadays, but she still has a beautiful singing voice. In fact, she’s the main reason I took up voice lessons. I’ve always wanted to sing, because of my mother.

My father sings as well. I’d liken his voice to sort of Phil Collins-sounding. My dad is the other main reason I took up voice. Just so you know.

********

And that’s it for today. I’m sort of written out.

So here is where I leave you. I’ll try to do better next post.

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