This really did happen at work today. I kid you not.
When I got into work this morning, I was greeted with a tiny little cauldron chock-full of miniature candy bars:
There were two mini Milky Ways, two mini 3 Musketeers, three mini Snickers, two Werthers caramels, and one mini Twix bar, all packed into that little cauldron. And, of course, they were all in gold wrappers.
I was like, “Oh. What’s this for?”
Took me about a half-hour before I realized St. Patrick’s Day is on Sunday. In celebration, everyone in the office got their own little ‘pot of gold.’
Well, due to the one-two punch of my cold and my still adjusting to the plain and the able, I was flagging this morning and in need of a sugar rush. Rather than go get caffeine, I ate both mini 3 Musketeers and the mini Twix bar. As I don’t like caramel or peanuts, that was all I ate.
But then this really did happen down in records this afternoon.
There’s something you need to realize about the ladies down in records. Aside from myself and three others, every woman who works in the records department is a SKINNY MINNIE! I mean, if they turned just right, they’d disappear. I’m not kidding! They are so health-conscious….it’s actually sort of scary. They are constantly going to the gym over their lunch hour(s), and talking about going to the gym, and talking about health supplements, and watching their caloric intake.
Hence this true conversation….well, abridged, as I only included the important bits, but still true….
Older Michelle: Hey, Elizabeth. How many calories do you think is in this mini Twix bar?
Me: *working nearby, overhearing this, thinking in my head* You’re kidding, right?
Elizabeth: Probably quite a bit.
Older Michelle: Hmm….Maybe I’ll have a Snickers instead. I like Snickers.
Elizabeth: Snickers are probably worse….It looks so innocent!
Older Michelle: Yeah, innocent. ‘Til it goes straight to my butt.
Me: *working nearby, overhearing this, thinking in my head* Oh, just eat the damn thing.
Older Michelle: *continues* ….I’ll bet there’s a whole day’s worth of calories in this little pot….
So they proceed to Google the caloric count of all the miniature candy bars in the pot! These mini candy bars that, I kid you not, are about the size of a postage stamp! Certainly, they’re much thicker than a postage stamp, but….c’mon, ladies! You’re killing me!
Turns out there were about 55 calories in one little tiny mini candy bar. And so older Michelle and Elizabeth went crazy over the fact that, yes indeed, there was probably about a day’s worth of calories in that whole pot. I was literally gritting my teeth, trying to keep from saying anything out loud, because it was just ridiculous listening to them carry on about it.
Over comes Elvie from her desk (and, while Elvie is also skinny, as far as I know, she is not so health-conscious as all the other girls).
Elvie: I don’t care. I just ate six of ’em.
GOOD ON YA, ELVIE!
Life is short. Live a little, and eat the damn thing!